Die Shellsuit, Die!

An Alternative Music Magazine

I’m Not A Fan...But The Kids Like It!

BrokeNCYDE

You are reading this review on the internet right?

You probably go on music forums right? In which you have most likely already heard of Brokencyde, you may have seen one of their videos posted under the thread title of “Worst Band In The World Ever” or maybe you’ve read about the uproar at their barely literate lyrics that make the spelling on Lolcats look accurate. The (not real) “Slut Pit”, the encouragement of underage drinking & implied date rape causing “The Mothers Against Brokencyde” Myspace page. (Go & have a look at some of the bands in the top friends, I was surprised.)

I have actually listened to this album, watched interviews & read the little brightly coloured booklet that came with the CD. Musically & lyrically it’s just awful, but you could have guessed that.

It’s so terrible it makes me sad for music. But you could’ve guessed that.

It is not ‘an innovative blend of top 40 hip-hop’ & ‘screamo’. It is a fucking travesty of auto tune and badly done pig squeals. But you, well you knew that already.

If I even start on the lyrical content I will come across like a knee jerk reacting feminist who doesn’t own Cannibal Corpse & Anal Cunt records (I’m not & I do). At least when they are grossly offensive about women (& in the case of Seth Putnam, EVERYONE) they do it with readable spelling & grammar. (I’m not quoting any of it; it took me long enough to type out the titles of the songs verbatim.) I also think it’s important to concentrate on how awful they are musically and further fan the flames of controversy. Never mind how insulting they are, the truly upsetting part is how BAD they are.

The one good thing I will say about them as a band & the album as a whole is it has done something not even Black Sabbath can do these days: It’s brought the disparate fans of music all back together, Black Metal purists, those who like their music fast, those who like it slow, the Prog fans, the Punk fans, the Indie kids are all in agreement at how utterly abhorrent these hair farming little weasels & their music are.

If I want a soundtrack for sipping on 40oz’s (Can you even get those over here?) I’ll put on some Gravvvy Train!!! thank you very much. If this means I’m old & out of touch. Well, the kids suck & that’s just fine by me.

Listen: www.myspace.com/brokencyde